December 26, 2008

Christmas Eve 2008

Dear Family & Friends,

Today David went in for another Thoracentesis, which is the formal term for the draining procedure. The doctor had also ordered a blood transfusion, but his numbers were still in the safe zone, so thankfully a transfusion wasn't needed.

There were approximately two liters of fluid in his chest cavity, crushing his right lung. Due to the lung being decompressed for so long, as the fluid was being drained it was so painful that the procedure was stopped. It was all I could do to watch David in that much pain, and at first I wanted to push the doctor out of the way, and pull the needle out of his back myself, but obviously that wouldn't be smart, and was my immediate gut reaction to seeing such pain on my husband's face.

However......I kept telling the doctor to stop, because David was looking at me like, 'make it stop!' Finally, the doctor believed me, and pulled the catheter out of his back. I have requested that the OTHER doctor do David's procedures from here on out; I won't let that guy touch David again! So, one liter was all we could successfully drain, leaving over another one in his chest. I immediately called David's oncologist, requesting an appointment for Monday. Due to the cancer that is also in the lung, this is quite normal (unfortunately), and if we don't have the procedure done soon enough, David's lung can collapse.

He is in a lot of pain, drifting in and out, and moaning, which is so not like David. Of course, nothing he does, is 'like David' anymore. We are at a point in the journey where our worlds are becoming separated; David's mind is consumed with his pain, comfort, and sleep, while mine is consumed with making sure that he is taken care of, comfortable and as happy as he can be.

Today is the first time I experienced that kind of pain on David's face, and in his eyes. When the tears finally started rolling down his cheeks, it was all I could do to keep mine in check. Being 'strong' for your spouse when they're in that kind of pain is one of the most challenging tasks ever. God never leaves our side, even through these horrifying moments; I'm a witness to that fact, because I could never do this on my own...

I would like to thank Sean Rierson, a very kind, caring man (and friend) for driving us to Evergreen Hospital today, AND driving all the way back to pick us up! The hospital is not close to our home anymore, so Sean's act of kindness was very much appreciated.

There are some good, loving, caring people in this world, and we happen to have many of them right here, as our neighbors and friends! How truly blessed we are.

Thank you to Ryan Rasar for shoveling our driveway AGAIN! Also another kind and caring man.

And last but not least, thank you to the MANY who dropped off surprises on our doorstep for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day! Thank you Dave Riffe for bringing Kristin's DELICIOUS cookies and candy, and for taking the time to visit with us on Christmas Eve! Bruce & Joan Lavers for dropping off a beautiful candle! The Jonas' for the lovely white Poinsettia! And then there were some gifts that were left without names.

Thank you ALL from the bottom of our hearts,
for your rare, loving kindness!

With Love,
Linda

Seek First The Kingdom Of God

Trip To The Hospital

December 19, 2008

Here we are waiting for David's appointment at Evergreen Hospital. I take every chance I can to get a picture with him, as I never know when the time will come when photo ops are not an option.

The doctor drained over 2 liters this time, and said that this condition could continue to happen every few days, or so! :( Last night David was in a LOT of pain, which scared me; we haven't experienced that before. I was praying over him, and we were both in tears. I called Michelle, and she FLEW over here to spend the night with us. We thank God for our daughter's love and support.

After David took some pain pills, he was better. All three of us watched a movie to keep our minds occupied; Meet The Parents, which of course, is a funny movie, and medicine we all needed for sure.

The edema in David's feet continues to worsen, and he pretty much stays in his recliner for the most part.

At this point, I feel like I'm having an 'out of body' experience, as it has gone past a painful and surreal feeling to one that is scary, heart-wrenching and numbing...

As always, thank you all for your constant outpouring of love, support and prayers.

With Much Love,
Linda

P.S. We don't know which ANGEL to thank for shoveling the entire driveway and walkway! Thank you very much!

AND... a HUGE thank you to our friends, Sean Rierson for taking us to Evergreen Hospital yesterday, and to Dawn-Marie for picking us up in their 'snow rigs!'

The Winter Of Our Life

Our Dearest Family & Friends,

So many days I wish that it was the beginning of Spring or Summer, because the days are already hard and cold when your loved one is terminally ill. The promise of Spring.... seeing fresh sprigs, new buds peaking out, and flowers blooming; or the sun beating on our faces, is what my heart is desperately longing for. However, the deep winter freeze is more a reflection of our life, and so it somehow seems appropriate that this is the season in which we are living...

Our neighborhood gets completely dumped on when it snows; a beautiful winter wonderland for sure, however when one needs to leave it makes you feel trapped and claustrophobic! David could barely breathe yesterday, so a trip to the hospital was in order. Thank God for an Angel (Dawn Marie), who drove us to Evergreen hospital, and then later picked us up; such a loving act of kindness. We were at the hospital most of the day, which was very hard on David.

David's breathing was quite labored, and he could only take very short breaths. The ultrasound showed that he had fluid in and around his lungs, which needed to be drained. The doctor inserted a very large needle with a catheter into David's back and drained 1.5 liters of fluid!!! As I saw the large bottle fill with bright red fluid, it was all I could do to stand there and hold on tight to my husband, as he sat there, looking so pathetic and helpless on the gurney. They pulled the filled bottle just in time to slip another one in, which they removed at the .5 mark, leaving .5 still in his chest so that his lung wouldn't collapse.

The doctor said that David would probably be back in a 2-3 days, due to what he saw.

Sadly...today David's breathing is becoming labored again, as it is filling back up. So, we will probably be going to the hospital by Monday. I just pray that each time they do this procedure, that there will be no infections, and that the lung doesn't collapse, or any other complications.

Each week David's condition is worsening; and with that, my body and heart are feeling completely broken. My strength, my comfort, and my peace rests in God's Hands, as I am too weak and too sad on this part of the journey to carry myself...

Thank you ALL again, for your very kind words, support, and amazing acts of kindness and love, for which we are truly grateful.

With Love,
Linda

Darkest Part Of The Valley

Sitting an Open House Together on Sunday
December 7, 2008

My sweet husband has always sat Open Houses with me, since I've been in the real estate business. He goes as my security guy, but we enjoy the three hours we spend together on those particular Sundays! This new listing is in our neighborhood, so it's 2 minutes from our house, and it's also for our friends, so the atmosphere is quite comfortable for David.

Speaking of David's comfort, here is the latest news. The cancer in his hip is causing him a considerable amount of pain. He has been on steroids, which helped in the beginning, but are no longer effective, so we're reconsidering the radiation treatment for the cancer in his hip.

The edema in David's feet was quite bad yesterday, so I took him to the doctor today. That's to be expected when the blood clot on the portal vein is as bad as it is. I asked her to tell us EXACTLY what the blood clot and the tumor in David's liver looked like, so she drew us a graphic picture that was quite horrifying; I will never forget it, and makes me cherish every single minute of every single day with him, even more...

As much hope as I have for a MIRACLE still, the real side of me sees just how far his cancer has advanced, AND.... how quickly. I've scoured medical abstracts, journals, articles, and everything I can get my hands on; every night until 2 and 3 in the morning. Everything I read gives a grim report for this monstrous disease. Once it's at this stage, a person has 3-6 months, and December 26th is our 3rd month, so I cannot even begin to express my fear, anxiety, pain, and dread of knowing that any time, from here on out, the presence of my husband can be taken like a thief in the night, which is the most scary thing I ever imagined.

God's amazing Grace continues to carry us through this valley...

David is putting up a good fight. I am working hard to do all I can to keep him happy, healthy, comfortable, and living as long as possible.

We did meet with Hospice this week, in our home, which was very, very hard. We didn't sign up with them, because David wasn't ready, and I can't say that I blame him, because that is probably one of the most impossible contracts to sign; knowing that it's your 'end of life' care! We are still fighting this ugly disease, but we do want to have everything in place for when he does turn that corner (the dreadful day that we don't look forward to). We will have David at home to the very end, as that is where he wants to be.

I pray for comfort and peace for David, every day, and I also pray for continued strength as we begin walking through the darkest part of the valley, because knowing how hard the days have been to this point, I sense that every day from here on out will be harder still. When it comes to loving and protecting my family, I'm a strong fighter; so I am preparing for the battle of my life, by supporting him through his pain, and by loving him as he leaves this world wrapped up in my arms.

Thank you all (every single one of you) for keeping us in your prayers, and for continuing to walk along side us.

With Love,
Linda

Christmas 2008

David's Tree!

Instead of going through the dozens of boxes from Christmas past, and spending the time and energy it takes to decorate for a few days, we decided to buy a small tree, and have David pick exactly what he wanted.

Well...this year's tree is quite special, because David chose everything! I watched him pick the color theme, the ornaments, garland and lights. He did a great job! While he was so precious to watch, my heart was aching, knowing that HE knew this was his last Christmas tree, and he was choosing what he wanted to see on it.

Tears streamed down our faces as he placed everything carefully and lovingly in the basket. Finding the proper top was the hardest part of his mission, because most of them were way too big for the size tree we were getting, so he finally found a tiny one that looks just perfect!

The last thing he chose were the cinnamon pine cones, which add quite a nice touch to the tree. When David was completely done, I asked if we could add a couple of pieces that he agreed, completed the tree! Three silver 'written' ornaments: 2008, a D and an L!

Today was a very hard day for us, but we were strong for each other, and would only allow a few tears here and there while we were out. After we decorated the tree, and sat there on the couch to admire it, he told me what a great day he had, thanked me for the delicious dinner, told me he loved me, and then.....the tears began.

We are both very aware of what little time we have remaining, and we are both holding on to every moment, every smile, every word, EVERYTHING! This journey is hard, and this journey is extremely painful. One reason it's so painful is because we are so much in love, and have been close, BEST friends for 30 years.

• That's a long time to wake up every morning, and LOVE the one you're with.
• That's a long time to say good-night every evening, and look forward to seeing them by your side the the next morning.
• That's a long time to look forward to our 'date nights' every night of the year!!!
• That's a long time to spend with one person whom you always want to be with, rather than anyone else in the world.
• That's a long time to know that person is there, in your corner, cheering you on no matter what!
• That's a long time to know that person is there to protect you from anything or anyone, always!
• That's a long time to be by each other's side through sickness or health, on mountain tops, or in valleys.
• That's a long time to share everything!

That's a long time to love and be loved!!!

How truly blessed we have been, for a very long time. I am so thankful for the love we have shared. And even though I will once again, be forever changed by losing the LOVE OF MY LIFE, I will carry in my heart, a LOVE that will last me a lifetime. I will not be bitter, and I will not let grief destroy me, because David would not want that. He will want me to continue to be the best Linda I can be, whether he is by my side, or cheering me on from Heaven!

I love you, my Dearest, most Precious Husband.
Thank you for loving me, and giving me the best years of your life!

2008 D & L................................Bears In Tree!

~ Seek First The Kingdom Of God ~

Thanksgiving 2008

At Thanksgiving we pause to reflect on what we're thankful for.

All too often, people don't realize how much they HAVE, until they are suddenly faced with what they don't have. This year, my reflection began with David's health and our lack of TIME!

David and Leo - Thanksgiving Night

While it's easy to bemoan the time we don't have, I would rather embrace each day as we always did......Date Night, woo-hoo! AND continue to discuss (as always), all the wonderful things in our lives that we have, and are still thankful for.

• For each other, and our special love and very close friendship we've shared for 30 years.
• For our Love of God, and our Faith in Him.
• For our precious family, closest friends who became 'family,' and all our dear friends.
  
• For our children; the joy they bring to our lives, the lessons we learned from them, and the growth in OUR character from those lessons.
• For our granddaughters, and the blessing and JOY they bring to our lives!
  
• For the ability to love and be loved.
• For the ability to forgive and be forgiven.
  
• For the times we were able to help others, and be helped by others.
• For the many people who crossed our paths during our life's journey, and who touched our lives tremendously.
• For the miracle of life that we were given, and for our time and purpose here on earth!

It is time, experiences, relationships and love that I'm most thankful for. Each experience creates a part of our character, which in turn becomes a part of our soul.

Time provides those experiences, and during each experience, both good and bad, great or tragic there is a measurement of how we react during that moment in life; AND it is who we become in the midst of those experiences that is what's most important. Those experiences become a sum total of every moment lived, every choice we ever make & it's consequences, and every way we act & react during that situation! Through those experiences our souls learn many of life's valuable lessons, one of which is how to truly love.

Love is the most valuable and most powerful treasure anyone could possess. If you know love, and give love, then your heart and soul also have learned sadness and pain; juxtaposed feelings that can't be known without the other. But, once a heart knows love, it becomes overflowing with happiness and joy. And, whether you are on a mountain top, or in a valley, a heart that knows true love is empowered and can stand up for, or against anything that comes it's way. We 'Mama Lions' know that one quite well!

I truly believe that if your heart and soul are full of love,
then that is the most precious possession you will ever have,
and the most priceless gift you will ever give.

So, as I reflect on what means the most to me in my life, I would have to say that everything I am truly thankful for are things that reside in my heart: love, relationships, memories, joy, peace and hope. I wish you all the experiences in life that touch your soul, and bring you to know true love.

With Love,
Linda

Bear now has a twin brother.

The BEARS on Thanksgiving!

A Match Made In Heaven

David & Linda - November 22, 2008

How We Met!

While some of you know this story, there are many more of you who don't, and have asked me to tell you how we met. So, I thought this was a good time to share our incredible and miraculous love story!

At age 22, I was a reluctant divorcée, with two babies, ages 1 3/4 and 10 months old! A few years later, a MIRACLE happened!

We were living in Eugene, Oregon at the time. My younger brother, Lance who lived in the same town I did, went skiing one day, and met another skier when they both yelled out, "single" to get on the chairlift. Now...I had NEVER gone skiing, because I don't do COLD! I had no idea about skiing, or yelling 'single,' or anything.... But, that was what they do, so I'm told.

My brother and David who were both excellent skiers riding the BLACK (advanced) chair lift up, and then skied down together; then back up again, and so on. My brother was only 15, and David was 26. David would listen to his stories, and then one story piqued David's interest. It was one about ME! He told David that I was single, looked like Farah Fawcett (I wish), and was really nice. Okay, well I was two out of three - single and nice! Back then we all donned the Farah Fawcett 'hair style,' which admittedly ages me! Yes, I was from the 'Charlie's Angels' era!

Back to the story....

So, David who had a car offered my brother a ride home from the slopes, and said, "sure I'll meet your sister." Mind you....David was only passing through Oregon, visiting his Grandmother during the holidays, and then was going back to California where he worked.

At this point in time my children were 3 and 4. With Eric and Michelle in bed, I cleaned house and started my work-out. Around 10:30 PM a knock on the door startled me, and it was my brother. I barely opened the door, and said "shhh...the babies are sleeping, and I'm doing my work-out, what are you doing here?" To which he replied, "I met someone today, and I want you to meet him."

I told him, "Are you crazy? Go home!"

"No, you really need to meet him; he's a good guy! And he gave me a ride home."

I may have been a nice person, but I wasn't feeling very nice toward my brother at that point, and told him, "GO HOME! Absolutely NOT!"

My brother wouldn't take no for an answer, so I said, "Alright! Go away for 10 minutes, let me comb my hair and freshen up, and then you can come back."

Ten minutes later...a MIRACLE happened. And the guy that I prayed for, who would have to literally come to my doorstep, actually did!

When David walked in the door, it was truly love at first sight! We talked forever that night. The children were asleep, and my one bedroom apartment was spotless, so he had no idea I had children. I slept on the pull-out couch, because I couldn't afford a two or three bedroom apartment, and so I kept the living room as a living room, with no toys, or anything; those things were all in the kids' room.

I had purchased a guitar, because I wanted to teach myself guitar, and it was in the living room. Later that evening, David picked it up and started playing it! Oh my goodness! He was quite a musician (literally had been in a professional band), and I was quite taken with his talent as well as his mind (he IS a genius), and his incredibly sweet heart.

Finally my brother was tired, and asked if they could leave. David asked me if we could go to dinner the next evening to which I agreed. The next evening when he came to pick me up, I told the babysitter to stay in the bedroom with the children, because I didn't want him to know I had kids just yet; until we went to dinner, and I could tell him then...

JUST as we were walking out the door, the kids ran out of the bedroom for one last kiss. AND... well, my cover was blown! I immediately hugged and kissed them both, said my 'good-byes' once again, and as David and I walked out the door, he looked at me and said, "You've got kids! COOL!"

WHAT, I thought! Cool? I was a package deal, and he thought this package was 'cool!' I had met a few men over the course of a couple years, but NONE measured up to the kind of man David was. I needed a GREAT man, a gentleman, a man that loved me, my children, and God. One who was smart and kind, and you know...'perfect!'

David called and quit his job in California, got a job in Eugene, and we were married 6 weeks later!

A match made in HEAVEN!!!

So, MIRACLES do happen! David and I were most certainly meant to be together! I would never in a million years have met him on the slopes, because I have never even given skiing a second thought! AND...to think that he was only traveling to Oregon because his Grandmother lived there, which by the way, she moved shortly after David's visit, to Walla Walla, Washington. So, had he ventured out to visit her later than he did, he would have been traveling to Washington, instead of Oregon; and would never have met me.

Oh...by the way. David did buy me a beautiful lavender ski outfit and skis, and told me that I WOULD like skiing, so off to the slopes we went! We skied together for years, which hold some of our best memories ever! The COLD was okay when you're doing something fun with the one you LOVE!

When we first got married, David began teaching me the guitar; we put our own little band together, as a hobby - writing music, playing and singing. Then, 'life happened,' and I was so busy with raising children, working, etc., that I never did pick up the guitar again. UNTIL last night! David is teaching me all he can, in the time we have...

The LOVE OF MY LIFE was a MIRACLE sent from God. He was not just any ordinary miracle either; he was the BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME! I am better because of David Scarlett. He has always been my cheerleader, my number one fan, and the wind beneath my wings!

I had no idea that my MIRACLE had a time limit, but I wouldn't trade one minute of my life with David for anything!

David IS an incredible blessing from God,
and will always be THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!

Stealing My Husband

November 20, 2008

Dear Family & Friends,

This morning David went to the hospital, because he was throwing up quite a few times, which made him dehydrated and weak. It was quite emotional going to the Cancer Center and sitting in one of those chairs where cancer patients receive chemotherapy, while David was only receiving saline.

The fear of such a foreign place both overwhelmed us, and saddened our hearts. Even though we didn't say the words to each other; I could tell by looking in David's eyes that coming to the hospital, and being in those chairs in that room, we both felt that this was the beginning of the last leg of our journey... (I hope and pray it's a very long, long, leg!)

While at the hospital, we learned the results of the MRI today. The cancer has spread to David's hip in the form of a 2 x 4 cm. tumor, which is why he has pain in his hip, and has trouble walking. We have a consultation next Wednesday to determine if we will elect to do radiation therapy, or not. After studying until 1:00 AM last night about radiation, and then discussing everything with David, we are not quite sure if we will elect to go through that grueling treatment.

I know nothing about cancer, except that it is ugly, it is aggressive, and it is stealing my husband. Our hearts are aching as we know that each day is priceless and precious, and that there are only so many of them remaining.

We continue to lean on God for strength, comfort and guidance; and our family and friends for your continued love and support. Thank You.

You have all been amazing, and we feel so very blessed to have you in our lives.

We Love You,
Linda & David

Seek First The Kingdom Of God.

30th Anniversary And Celebration Of Life

To Us ~ Always & Forever!

30 Wonderful Years Together!

Dear Family & Friends,

Oh my! Sometimes mere words cannot express the depth of the joy in our hearts. You are all so loving, so kind and so supportive. I can't tell you how wonderful it was to have you ALL here, and to see so many of you that we haven't seen in such a long time.

Congratulations to:

• Ramses and his adorable fiance, with a baby on the way!!!
• Stephanie and her very special boyfriend, Dominique whom we really like. How wonderful that God has blessed her with a Christian man in her and Bianca's life. She has our blessing.

• Stephanie: thank you for picking up the balloons!

• Michelle: thank you for taking pictures all night!

Bianca & Jada: thank you for your precious love, and for being here for Gramp & Gram! xo

• Nani: thank you for picking up the cake, and...
  

...for your SPAM presentations, and...

...for traveling ALL the way from Minnesota for our special party! (and for your precious prayer)

Paul & Marta: Thank you for the BEAUTIFUL purple orchid!

• Michele DeMaris: thank you for the stunning red roses!

Sean & Tracy: thank you for the huge and delicious Fruit Bouquet from Edibles! And for sending your gardener to make our front yard look presentable for the party!

• Ramses & Merica: thank you for the beautiful pink roses!
• Daphne: thank you for the beautiful and delicious Florentines!
• Holly & Marcus: thank you for the BEAUTIFUL Calla Lily!
  
• Mike & Candy: thank you for 'serving' all night!
• Dezi & Tony: thank you for the beautiful and sweet card! And for your daily prayers!
  
• Neill & Sandra: thank you for the fabulous wine!
• Michelle & Chris Field: thank you for one of our favorite wines!
• Mark & Melissa: thank you for the delicious Tabouli!
  
• Tamara & Bob: thank you for Bob's delicious homemade dip!
• Kristin & Dave: thank you for the wine!
• Jim & Jess: thank you for the wine!
• Sheila & Mark: thank you for the dips and chips!
• Patty & Tom: thank you for the great candle lantern! (and for your precious prayer)
  
• Bruce & Joan: thank you for the yummy candle!
• Walter: thank you for letting Nani spend days away from you!
  
• Everyone: thank you for the sweet and loving cards!!
  AND...if I forgot anyone, or anything, please forgive me.

I don't have pictures of every single thing, or believe me, it would be in here. (LOL)

I want to thank all of you for taking time out of your busy schedules to come to our party; whether you were able to stay for 5 minutes, or 5 hours, we really appreciated your presence.

Being with all of you brought incredible joy to our hearts! :)
Thank you again - very, very much for being here. xoxo

We Love You,
Linda & David

P.S. Bear had fun too!

Nov. 19th - Update on David and the MRI:
Today, the MRI showed that the cancer has spread to David's hip. We have an appointment next week to begin radiation on that area. So, the cancer has spread from his liver, lymph nodes, lungs and now to his hip. It's been a couple days since David has been off the chemo. I think the chemo reached a toxic level, which was why he was so weak, slow and slurring his words. The white blood count was also quite low, so hopefully he can stay off the chemo for a while. Our next appointment with his oncologist is next Monday.

Arizona - Phoenix International Raceway

Friday Night At The Track
Beautiful Pink and Blue Sky!

NASCAR Sprint Cup Series

Start Your Engines----Jimmie Starting Race----Close Up of Start!



HELLO from Arizona!

How awesome the technology is today to be able to communicate with everyone from everywhere!!! From our cousins Tom & Hank in London, to Nohealani in Minnesota, to MANY, MANY of you in Seattle! :)

It always amazes me, how another state in the same country can be so incredibly different. When I was a regional manager, flying to eight states from Alaska to New Mexico, I was always excited and happiest when I was flying home to Seattle, because Washington is one of the most BEAUTIFUL states in the country.

Arizona, wasn't one of the states I flew to, so much to my amazement, this place is also QUITE BEAUTIFUL, even though it is completely opposite from our lush and green, mountainous home, surrounded with waterways and the ocean! Being born and raised in Los Angeles, California....I MUST be close to the ocean, because when I'm not in a 'coastal' state, I feel land locked, and claustrophobic!!! :0

We're staying in Scottsdale, which seems to be 'new,' and is very, very clean. The streets are lined with cactus and swaying palm trees, and the sky is electric blue, giving one a sense of wanting to drive with the top down for miles and miles and miles...

The Phoenix International Racetrack is in Goodyear, which is an hour from Scottsdale, and is now my favorite track. Not like the one in Napa, you can actually see the entire track, and from our great seats, it made the race quite enjoyable! I'd like to thank Phoenix I. Racetrack for providing us with a gift of the tickets to the entire set of races this week-end! What a very thoughtful and fantastic surprise!

David In His Jimmie Johnson Hat After Race Yesterday!

Update on David: We were required to visit the doctor before she would give us clearance to travel, and from David's blood work the number was dropping, which is an indicator that the tumor COULD be shrinking, however, we won't know about that until the next CAT SCAN is done, which we will do in a couple weeks. That was GOOD NEWS, because as long as the chemo keeps the tumor from growing, he has a better chance at fighting it longer! The doctor just informed us that some people have continued with this treatment for up to 24 months and kept going! :)

David's spirits are good, even though he called me a 'Drill Instructor' last night! While I'm taking care of his every need, I also make sure that he remains strong, both mentally and physically; so the 'Drill Instructor' in me tries to keep him 'moving,' and 'mentally stimulated!'

Last week, one of the readers accused me of being 'grim' about David's condition, because David had been reporting something different. David told me that I could explain that it was hard for him to express the reality of the situation, and that he was in denial when he told others.

In light of this, I've decided to withhold some news that might upset people. Believe me, I was only reporting exactly what the doctor said, and exactly what I'm seeing, as I know him better than anyone, after thirty years! I was just reporting the facts, as heartbreaking as they are for David and me. While all the time.....still hoping and praying for a miracle!

David is still working, albeit his hours are less, but he was even helping solve a problem while driving to the racetrack Friday night! So, he's still doing his thing that he's done so well at Park Avenue Construction for TWENTY years! I'm working from the hotel also, as the work I'm concentrating on right now is mainly via emails. So, we both are not slouching, and are trying to stay somewhat productive in the midst of our harsh, new reality...

We will be coming home on Wednesday. See you soon!

With Love,
Linda

On Our Way To The Racetrack!

P.S. When David became sick, our daughter, Michelle gave her Dad a cute TINY bear to keep in his pocket, to go everywhere with him. So, Bear is with us also, and below are some pictures of Bear And His Adventures!

Bear On Cactus............Bear On Dash In Car........Bear On Jimmie J Hat

Our Journey - Week 5

Dinner at Bonefish with David's Dad from Minnesota
October 27, 2008

My precious husband was so exhausted and in so much pain,
he could barely sit there...
not to mention that he can only eat a few bites at a time.

In the midst of this hard time, we have been incredibly blessed by all of you. From our daughter, Michelle and daughter-in-law, Stephanie, who have been attending doctor appointments with us, and loving on us constantly, to family and friends across the nation, who travel great distances to spend time with us. To the many, many loving cards and emails!

Neighbors showing up unannounced to do our yards, and others dropping by with surprise meals. Still others sending their own gardener to our home to make sure the yards are looking nice, to others who bring by flowers, send Mrs. Fields cookies, buy groceries, and a Christmas Bonus being sent WELL before Christmas!

One Angel blessed us with funds to go to Arizona to make one of David's items on his "Bucket List," come true. (Seeing Jimmie Johnson race at the Nascar Race) And there was another Angel who helped us with our mortgage last month. You are ALL amazing and a wonderful blessings in our lives, and we can't thank you enough for all that you have done.

The second week of chemo was the hardest on David. He lost 13 pounds in two weeks, and the fatigue was so bad, he felt like he had the worst flu 24/7. Night sweats, and horrible nightmares (triggered by the drugs) were the order for a while, but we figured out why, and have opted to cancel taking the heprin. The Lovenox (heprin) is to keep the blood clot on the portal vein from getting any larger, but we think that it's a tumor, and not a blood clot, thus the Nexavar should be working on that, and hopefully shrinking it also. So, taking an additional drug that was supposedly doing the same thing seemed like overkill.

The cancer in David's chest is at the base of his vocal chords, which has affected his beautiful voice. I'm so thankful that he made a CD for me, a couple years ago, of many of his songs, that I will treasure forever. His voice is weaker and he has to push to project it.

David's current blood work showed that his Neutrophils are low, meaning that it's harder to fight infections, and he may have a low grade infection, so they started him on an antibiotic. David and I need to stay WELL! If he gets sick, he will have a very hard time fighting it. So, I want to thank many of you, who had planned to come by, but called and canceled due to the fact that you had a cold. Thank you for your thoughtfulness.

The mental anguish, and the extreme heartache that accompanies this disease is hard and heavy; not knowing when, or how David's condition will change. Every moment, of every day, we are truly LIVING the sayings that I love: 'Carpe Diem' (seize the day), and 'Life Is A Gift!'

With the love and support from each of you, and with God's Amazing Grace, comfort and strength, we are walking, albeit wobbly legged at times, through this valley. Thank you for not leaving us alone, or this would be absolutely unbearable.

I have always adored and respected my husband, but to watch him now, exhibit such amazing courage and strength; and for him continue to LOVE on me with his kind, gentlemanly ways, while HE is the one who is weak, and sick; has added a whole new depth to my love, respect and admiration for who he is. David undoubtedly is ONE OF A KIND! And I have been the woman who has been blessed by his love for so many years. I am truly fortunate to have been loved by such an unselfish, loving, and kind gentleman. David will always be the wind beneath my wings, ALWAYS!

With Love,
Linda & David

October 26, 2008 - Jada's 7th Birthday Party

David, Jada and John (David's Dad from Minnesota)

David, Bianca and John

Gram and her Girls!!!

Life Is A Precious And Priceless Gift

On A Cruise 2006

Pretending to be 007 Spies
Well...kinda, sorta...

Many people have seen that picture of us, and thought we were having a ball, being 'full of ourselves!' In all actuality, this was another attempt at a trip to get away and find some normalcy to our grieving lives. Behind those shades are crying eyes...

Yet, in the midst of our grief, we had each other; a rock solid foundation from which to draw strength. The journey back from losing our son has been the hardest path we have ever walked, but we know in our hearts and souls that it was NOT "God's fault," like many people try to convince us, but rather we know, even as painful as it was, that our loss was part of God's Master Plan.

So, we continue to trust in Him, and know that through Eric's death, God allowed lives to be changed or touched that might otherwise not have been touched, which is the only reason we could make sense of that unspeakable tragedy.

I share this story, because once again we are faced with another horrific tragedy, and people saying, 'how could God do this to YOU AGAIN?' Please know that God isn't doing this. God is love, and good, and light. Please know that there is another force at work in this world, who is hateful, and bad, the author of lies, pain and sickness.

The enemy may crush our bodies, but he will NEVER crush our spirits! We know whom we believe in, and in whom we trust. And we know where our souls are destined when we are called home.

I'm no Polyanna though, and am quite real. I am devastated and in so much pain every moment of every day; so much so, that sometimes I can barely breathe; I cry most of the day. Am I unhappy about this? Am I losing the Love of My Life; and is part of me dying, along with him? ABSOLUTELY! Do I ask all the same questions that everyone else asks when facing a tragedy. YES!

How could a couple who is so incredibly in love after 30 years, who count the hours until they're together again (while only away at work), who are excited about their 'date night' (which is every night), who can talk for hours on end about everything in the world, and who are inseparable; how could a couple like that have their lives so quickly, so tragically and so painfully interrupted? How could a couple like that NOT be able to spend their 'golden' years together, taking care of each other, and sharing all those wonderful things that elderly couples share after so many years of marriage?

I don't have the answer, because if I did, I would change this situation in a nano second!

What I DO know, is that life is a precious and priceless gift; and that we are to embrace each day with a child-like heart, loving those around us, with all we have in us. Give your family and friends the BEST you have, don't save that 'sweet attitude' just for strangers whom you're trying to win over. Your spouse, your children, your family and your friends all deserve YOUR absolute BEST!

Please never take one week, one day, or one moment for granted. And remember that each day our lives leave behind, either a beautiful fragrance, or one that's not so beautiful.

In the midst of our tragedies David and I want to stand strong together, and walk with dignity in Christ through yet another valley, praying and knowing that God will receive Glory, and others will be changed or touched in some way, no matter the outcome. I continue to pray that God gives me the strength to carry on His will for my life...

David is getting more and more tired each day. The pain is more consistent, but he takes Oxycodone to help control that (only at night though), as he is still going to work for a few hours a day. I can feel the tumor in his liver, which is quite large, and is why he can't eat much at a time, thus he's still losing weight. His favorite thing is a Root Beer Float! How cute is that? So, of course, I make him one every night.

David never complains, and is still my HERO and The Love Of My Life!

A very big THANK YOU to ALL of our FAMILY and FRIENDS for your kind words, emails, phone calls, visits, love prayers and support. You are truly a blessing to us.

Speaking of blessings, I'd like to thank my employer, Skyline Properties for their incredible support; allowing me to work from home a lot so that I can take care of David, and for their love and concern for us as we cling to each moment together, while working at home still needing an income to survive. There are not many companies with such heart in this day and age.

I'd also like to thank ALL of the Staff and Agents at Skyline who have been sending continuous encouraging words and heartfelt love.

AND... all of our kid's friends from Junior High, High School and College. Your precious messages about all the time that you all spent at our home (growing up), has really touched our hearts.

You have richly blessed our lives - Thank You!

With Much Love,
Linda & David

Today's News...

We met with the oncologist today to discuss the medications at length. Since surgery is not an option, then the next best course of treatment is the chemo therapy.

David will first take a medication called Lovenox, which is a blood thinner to keep the blood clot that's in his portal vein from getting any bigger. He will start giving himself those injections tomorrow morning. Side effects with that drug are the obvious, 'bleeding' if he cuts himself.

The chemo will arrive tomorrow, and he will begin taking that on Saturday. This is in pill form, taken twice a day. This drug, Nexavar, is a 'targeted' chemo, which is used exclusively for the liver and kidneys. It's function is to arrest the cancer, and hopefully keep the tumor from growing, and the cancer from spreading any further. (it's already spread from his liver to his chest and lungs)

Some people don't respond to this drug, but we're hoping and praying that he does. There are several side effects with Nexavar, which are the usual type of side effects with any chemo: nausea, fatigue, etc. This drug has its own unique side effects as well, however, losing hair is not one of them! Phew... that's always a hard one.

Thank God for David's health insurance, because this drug is $6,000. a month, of which we pay a small co-pay in comparison. What a blessing.

This journey reveals something new every day, and keeps us a little off center trying to process everything. Besides the fact that the love of my life now has something ugly and ALIEN inside him, it's also very hard to know that I can't do anything to fix the problem!!! It makes one feel helpless and scared... I look at his big, beautiful body and can't believe that something is at work inside destroying him. My heart is aching.

Thank you all for your continued love and support. Please pray that David will tolerate the drugs, which will prolong his life.

With Love,
Linda

(The picture is in Vancouver, Canada in 2006 - a little getaway to try to get our life back to normal after losing Eric. It didn't work. We remain forever changed...)

Latest News...

Today, being the 4th year since our beloved son, Eric died, was another day of GREAT sorrow in my life.

The oncologist called with the latest news from the results of the last CAT SCAN. David's tumor is inoperable, and has in fact, spread to his chest and lungs. Thus, surgery is not an option, and only drugs to attempt to shrink the tumor, and a blood thinner (injected daily) for the blood clot, plus pain medication to keep him comfortable, are the options.

Today was NOT a 'good news' day, yet we still have HOPE in a MIRACLE. However, the human 'real' side of us understands what this all means, and we are now in the darkest valley of our lives.

David can't eat much at a time, and is losing weight. He is in pain and uncomfortable, but never complains. I have to drag that out of him. His loving, kind, strong attitude is still in check as he tries to hold me up during this time of unbearable shock and pain...

I spoke with the oncologist at length tonight, and asked her some very tough questions. I know that most of you are like me, and would want to know the facts, and what you're dealing with. She told me that with some of the 'trial chemo drugs,' David could have 6-10 months to live. However, if he does not respond well to those drugs, or respond at all, then he has 2-3 months!

The hardest thing in the world to hear...

At this point, I need to talk with David and figure out just exactly what we are going to do, and how we are going to do it. We've never walked this particular path, in this particular valley before, so we don't have the answers.

We continue to trust in God; putting our faith in Him, and knowing that He has a bigger plan than any of us can imagine, and through our tragedies I hope that others continue to see Christ in us.

Thank you for your continued support and prayers. Please stay in touch, and come visit, as you are all very important to us.

With Love,
Linda & David